The Voice I Never Knew I Had: My Journey from Fear to Freedom
Growing up, I was the king of avoidance—at least when it came to the stage. School plays? Presentations? I didn't participate in a single stage program during my entire childhood. The thought of speaking in front of a group of people wasn’t just uncomfortable; it was paralyzing. This deep-seated fear followed me straight into my professional life, creating a struggle that felt impossible to win.
The Warning Shot
My workplace became a constant source of anxiety. In management meetings, my best ideas would die in silence because I simply couldn’t articulate them. When I did try to speak, my lack of confidence turned my voice into a soft, hard-to-follow murmur. I felt invisible.
The low point arrived in 2018 during my annual performance review. My manager delivered the words that hit me like a physical blow: "You need to work on your communication skills."
It was a warning sign, a flash of red light saying my career was at risk if I didn’t change. Deep down, I knew she was absolutely right. My fear was holding me back, both professionally and personally.
Searching for a Solution
Determined to break free, I threw myself into online searches. I watched hours of YouTube videos, trying to absorb the theory, but I quickly realized the truth: you can't learn to swim by watching videos. I was getting knowledge but no practice, and the fear remained firmly rooted.
Then, through a colleague of my wife’s, I heard a word that would change everything: Toastmasters.
Curiosity sparked, I searched for a club and found Nepean Valley Toastmasters, just two kilometers from my home. I still remember that day—a rainy evening in July 2019—when I attended my first meeting as a guest. The room was buzzing with smiles, confident speakers, and palpable positive energy. Everyone seemed so composed, so articulate. I felt completely out of place.
When they asked me how I felt at the end of the meeting, I mumbled, “It was good.” My voice was so soft, no one could even hear me!
On the way home, my rational mind screamed, “This is not the right place for you.” But a small, persistent voice whispered, “If you really want to grow, you need to stay.”
So, I went back the next week. And this time, I joined.
"Just Go Through It"
The first few months were tough. Every meeting brought a wave of anxiety. As I practiced my first Icebreaker speech, I confessed my fear to my nine-year-old son. His simple, profound advice gave me the courage I needed: “To get rid of the fear, just go through it.”
I took his words to heart. My Icebreaker was supposed to be five to seven minutes—I finished in barely two! My voice trembled, and my hands shook, but I completed it. That short, shaky moment was the real start of my transformation.
Week after week, speech after speech, and evaluation after evaluation, I began to see progress. Toastmasters is a safe space—a supportive community where you are encouraged to make mistakes, learn, and grow. My fellow members celebrated every small win. I am immensely grateful for the invaluable guidance from my mentors—Punya Adhikari, Raymond Hook, Bradley Silk, Lynne Trackman, Adrian Fruigniet, Thilini Weerasooriya, Santoshi Machanccari, and many others—each feedback session helped me chip away at my lack of confidence.
The Confidence to Lead
Fast forward to today.
In 2023, I had the honor of serving as the President of Nepean Valley Toastmasters. In the 2024–25 term, I took on a new challenge as Area 28 Director of Western Division.
The person who once couldn't express an idea in a workplace meeting is now leading teams, hosting webinars, and confidently running his own business. I stand tall today—not just as a better speaker, but as a more confident leader, a better listener, and a more effective communicator overall.
If you are reading this and struggling with fear, hesitation, or a lack of confidence, remember my story. Toastmasters can absolutely change your life, just as it changed mine.
All it takes is:
A decision to start.
A commitment to keep going.
The courage to simply show up—rain or shine.
Find your nearest club. Attend a meeting. Take that first step.
Your journey from fear to freedom begins there.
By Sudhesh Valappil (Nepean Valley Toastmasters) | Edited by Ramalka Kasige DTM
